About Rachel Cipriano

Several years ago, I was part of a volunteer organization that was extraordinarily successful. Like Spring in full bloom, those who served and were served flourished. Then, something very unfortunate happened. The president of the organization moved to another state. She was so full of encouragement, insight, and warmth the room truly did seem brighter when she entered. The person who replaced her had many strengths of her own. However, her personality differed remarkably from the original leader. She had served as second in command for several years. Because the former director was so exceptional, I believe the new leader was insecure she would be compared unfavorably. The positive spirit that had once existed was replaced with a sense of control and negativity. People began to leave.

How did the group people once flocked to become the place many no longer wanted to be? I believe the answer is the original leader’s shining example of excellent leadership inspired others. She taught everyone what it meant to be a better person without ever saying a word about it directly. She had confidence and was committed to empowering those around her. With the changing of the guard, the new leadership team seemed threatened by other volunteers. They no longer encouraged people to use their creativity and talents to enhance the organization unless it served them.

Looking back on your career, can you think of positive and negative work environments? Isn’t it amazing how much the head of an organization affects its vitality? Consider this reality when interviewing for new positions. Do what you can to learn about the company culture to make sure it’s a good fit. While the story mentioned illustrates things can change, it is still important to do what you can to make sure your landing will be with an organization that supports the growth of their employees. It makes a significant difference in your mental and physical health to be in a supportive climate.

Another lesson to be learned from this story is how important it is to inspire those around you. We often learn more about how to do this by studying people who are remarkably good at it. Are you doing what you can to support others? Even in transition, you can practice these skills with family, friends, and volunteer groups. Have the courage to ask for some honest feedback from those who know you best. Are you a positive person? Do others feel uplifted when they are around you?

You may be saying, “Look, that is just not my personality.” While it is true some are more expressive than others, it is important to recognize the ability to inspire is a skill you can learn. A book I would highly recommend is Success Through a Positive Mental Attitude written by Napoleon Hill and W. Clement Stone. While you do your best to remain patient in transition, make a commitment to become an inspiring person. Like the leader mentioned at the beginning, you can become a person who makes the room appear brighter when you enter. That will give you an invaluable competitive advantage.

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Passion is a rich, soulful emotion. Whether it makes you feel angry, excited, inspired or tearful, passion is something that moves you in a very powerful way. Passion is an internal experience not an external event. Finding your passion means connecting your head with your heart, engaging that part of yourself that “feels” in a big, bold, spiritual way. For many of us, this is a challenge. Our busy, chaotic lives disconnect us from our feelings. And, when we act from this “numbed out” place, it’s impossible to connect with our passions.

Get Quiet

For most people, the road to connecting with passion begins with practicing good self care This means slowing down, spending time with yourself, taking good care of your body and mind, nurturing your spirit, and engaging in activities that will move you out of your head and into your body. Once you become passionate about your self-care, you’ll know you’re on the right track.

Become Sensitive to Your Environment

Once you’re more connected to your feelings, you’ll be ready to do a little exploring to discover the specific, personal things that best ignite your passions. Spend one week paying close attention to what excites you, touches you, inspires you to think in a whole new way, or even frustrates you. Watch for clues. Stories in newspapers, programs on television, or conversations with friends may give you an indication of those things that will lead you to your passions. As you make new discoveries write about them in your journal.

Answer This Series of Questions

Once you’re more connected to your feelings, you’ll be ready to do a little exploring to discover the specific, personal things that best ignite your passions. Spend one week paying close attention to what excites you, touches you, inspires you to think in a whole new way, or even frustrates you. Watch for clues. Stories in newspapers, programs on television, or conversations with friends may give you an indication of those things that will lead you to your passions. As you make new discoveries write about them in your journal.

• What interest, passion or desire are you most afraid of admitting to yourself and others?
• What would you do if you knew you could not fail?
• What do you love about yourself?
• What would you do if money was not a concern in your life?
• What one thing do you dream about doing that you’ve never told anyone?
• What do you fantasize about doing while driving your car or taking a shower?
• Who do you know that’s doing something you’d like to do? Describe yourself doing it.
• How could you make the world a better place for yourself and others?
• Who do you think you are? Have you labeled yourself a mother, student, caregiver? What are the other parts of you?
• What did you love when you were a child?
• What’s stopping you from moving forward with exploring your passion?
• List five things that you want. List five things that you’re good at. Do you know the difference between them?
• What drives you, and what gives you satisfaction?
• When you were young, what did you know you would do when you grew up?
• How would you like the world to be?
• What would you regret not having done if your life was ending?
• “This is BIG!” — Oprah

After answering these questions, read through the answers. Do you see any patterns?

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Have you ever felt trapped in your pain? Disappointment, loss, rejection, and injustice are just a few examples of circumstances which can hinder the ability to be successful. Even as you read this, the question, “Why did I lose my job?” may be at the forefront of your mind. You may be struggling with feeling overwhelmed by a sense of loss. These feelings are understandable, but the way they are dealt with them can be constructive or destructive.

Some people choose unhealthy coping mechanisms. Drugs, alcohol, overeating, and excessive shopping are just a few of the ways people may attempt to escape their pain instead of facing it head on. Too often people are taught to stuff their sorrow, move on, and get over it. The problem is when the pain is not acknowledged, it often goes underground manifesting itself in destructive behaviors. The consequences can be exponential, and these patterns definitely interfere with the clarity of mind needed for an effective job search.

Sometimes, pain may not be expressed through a bad habit; you may simply lack enthusiasm. You may find yourself feeling like a soft drink which has lost its fizz. This sense of being numb can lead to a feeling of being drained at a time when energy is needed the most.

I am going to ask you to do something requiring tremendous courage. Set a time to be alone with pen and paper in hand. Close your eyes, get quiet, and think about the thoughts you have regarding the job loss. These thoughts are undoubtedly connected with the pain you may be experiencing. Write down everything that comes to mind. As you read it over, you will most likely become more conscious of any unresolved feelings. Give yourself a set period of time to experience those emotions. Tears may come; anger and a sense of injustice may become more apparent.

You may think it sounds counterproductive to purposely encourage painful thoughts and emotions to surface. A common adage in the counseling field is, “Feelings are either expressed or acted out.” This exercise provides an avenue to face those emotions. By becoming more conscious of your feelings, it can actually increase your ability to control their effects on the job search.

A note of caution: Becoming engulfed by painful emotions can be as harmful as denying them. Participating in this exercise requires balance. It is important to remain mindful the goal is to work through painful feeling recognizing it is imperative to not allow those emotions to overwhelm you. Accompanying this exercise with journaling can assist with its productivity. You may be surprised to find how much more energy you have for the job search when you face grief that may be suppressed.

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Join our LinkedIn Group

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Job Box Report | Job Search & News • Career Advice & Info • Branding Yourself • Media Production

Join our LinkedIn Group

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Navigating an effective job search requires a lot of juggling. No pun intended, but do you ever feel your life has become a circus with a few too many acts? What to do? Let me just say at the outset, my insights comes from a place of “learning in progress” when it comes to multi-tasking.

The first suggestion would be to hone your organization skills. For some of you, this comes naturally. For those like me, it is important to establish a system. One way to improve in this area is to keep all of your notes from various leads in your laptop. I was taking written notes at various networking meetings and seminars. The paper sorting or lack thereof was interfering with productivity. This use of the computer seems to be helping if for no other reason than not being overwhelmed by such a daunting stack of papers. Consider how you may use technology to assist with your organization. Would a tablet or laptop help in this area?

Perhaps Google calendar could be a tool to schedule meetings vs. carrying an appointment book. Your schedule will still be secure if something happens to your phone. More consolidation of your materials translates into less complexity and more efficiency. This simple technique can make a difference at a time when stress is understandably higher.
Another way to manage your responsibilities is to make lists that are prioritized. My suggestion would be to first brainstorm all of your tasks keeping your list at the ready for when you think of more. Go through and rank your top three. At the very least, you will feel a sense of accomplishment getting your three most pressing priorities completed….or 2…or 1. Progress not perfection…life can certainly present surprises that can’t be planned for. On the other hand, being pro-active with your schedule will position you to handle the unexpected more effectively. Also, making note of what you have accomplished can boost energy needed for the job search.

Setting goals and staying scheduled are two important tools which will help you keep all of the “plates in the air.” Research demonstrates the difference goal-setting makes in productivity and life enhancement. Transition often means a loss of your daily routine and structure. When this interruption of external support is couples with anxiety, it can lead to inactivity and low energy. This is the last thing you need during this time. The key is pro-activity vs. reactivity. Preparation, Purpose, and Productivity are 3 key “Ps.” Once you master these…you will have greater motivation to successfully navigate this challenging season of your life.

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I’m back in Nebraska to see my Mom. Coming back to my home state is always good for my soul. It helps me remember where my roots are. Most of Nebraska is rural…populated with family farms..feeder lots, dairy cattle and fields of corn and soybeans for as far as the eye can see. At night, the sky puts on a star display where you can actually see the big dipper and the north star.

One of my assignments (you know how Mom’s are….) is grocery shopping. Shopping in a small town take you back to an era of family-owned stores and friendly checkers. They knew my Father when he owned the local pharmacy and went to school with my brothers and sister. They also provide a personal touch to their customer service because they appreciate your business and you to come back….what a concept, huh?

As I look back on the two weeks I spent in Nebraska, here are five things I’ve learned:

The midwestern work ethic makes us better employees and business people because of our belief in the moral benefit and importance of work and it’s inherent ability to strengthen character.-

We know BS when we see it, hear it, smell it

We’re used to a unicameral-style government….so they know how to compromise for the good of all.

We understand change and know how to deal with it quickly because the changing seasons remind us daily that “it’s only temporary”.

We believe in honesty and character so we build our companies with people who have the same values and principles.

Here are additional Nebraska facts:
Spam is produced in Fremont, NE;
Nebraska has more miles of river than any other state;
Nebraska is both the nation’s largest producer and user of center pivot irrigation;
Nebraska has more underground water reserves than any other state in the continental U.S.
The University of Nebraska-Lincoln weight room is the largest in the country. It covers three-fourths of an acre;
In 1927, Edwin E. Perkins of Hastings invented the powered soft drink Kool-Aid.

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About Rachel Cipriano

Would you like to learn an insight that can assist with your job search? When I give my signature presentation, I emphasize to audiences there is a profound difference between self-acceptance and self-esteem. This may come as a surprise since these terms sound synonymous.  Self-acceptance is being comfortable with one’s humanity. In other words, it comes with an understanding humans are imperfect beings with both strengths and weaknesses. Self-esteem is the perception one has of herself based on strengths and accomplishments. Self-acceptance is more fixed; it is not based on our “wins and losses”. Self-esteem levels tend to vary and are more dependent on outward circumstances such as one’s job title. I make the case for self-acceptance every time I speak.

Some might think this is contradictory since the mission of my business is to persuade others to live lives of greater excellence and significance. In actuality, self-acceptance is a prerequisite to realizing one’s potential for greatness. The more a person acknowledges she will make mistakes; the less power those flaws have to hinder progress. If the measure of a person’s worth is solely found in her strengths and accomplishments, she is headed in the opposite direction of the pathway to excellence and deeper significance. A person who is afraid to err tends to shrinks back from situations with a potential for failure. Starting a business; taking a challenging position; becoming vulnerable in a relationship….these are all meaningful, yet risky endeavors. What if they don’t work out? Many people avoid these opportunities for growth because the possibility they could fail is too threatening.

Self-acceptance gives one the tenacity to persevere in trying times. Abraham Lincoln, Michael Jordan, J.K. Rowling, and a host of other great people realized part of success is not being afraid to fail. A reporter once questioned Thomas Edison, “How many times are you going to fail at creating the light bulb?” Without blinking an eye, he answered, “Son, I haven’t failed! I’ve simply discovered another way not to invent the light bulb!”

You will need a great deal of inner strength while you search for your next position. You do possess these qualities even if you may not currently have access to them. Self-acceptance will empower you. Write on an index card, “I unconditionally accept myself. My job title does not determine my worth”. Carry this card with you and look at regularly throughout your day; repeat it out loud. It will make a profound difference while you search.

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Please remember that ROI is a two-way street. Your star employees are looking at their investment as well. Here are a few tips can help you retain your stars:

1. Acknowledge their accomplishments publically and mean it….lip service won’t do. A simple “thank you” goes a long way.
2. Keep them engaged and trust them. Your star employees deserve challenges and your trust. Give it to them willingly.
3. Help them understand that there are always mundane tasks that need to be accomplished-business reality isn’t all glamour.
4. Schedule one-on-one time with them. Take turns setting the agenda and keep the meetings short…45 minutes.
5. Include them in strategy meetings and encourage them to participate.
6. Remember that your star employees are not a threat to you….they are part of your team. Let them shine and you’ll shine!

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A necessary insight to manage anxiety is to realize feelings do not have to dictate behavior. In my signature presentation, I show audiences two different pictures which creatively represent the fight or flight response. One is a picture I remember seeing as a kid, and it usually makes audiences smile just as it did me. A kitten is sitting in a toilet bowl, and the caption reads, “Goodbye cruel world.” This obviously represents the “flight” response to fear. Few people haven’t felt like this at times. The struggles of life take their toll, and it can feel like it is too much to take. The other image is a picture of John Paul Jones, the famous Revolutionary War hero, who when the British demanded that he surrender defiantly retorted, “I have not yet begun to fight!”

I explain to audiences while feelings of loss, sadness, and even demoralization are human and will happen at times, surrender is not the answer. It is wonderful when life is humming along ideally….no major issues or problems. The truth is this is usually the exception to the rule. Life is often a series of battles ranging in degree of difficulty. A protracted job search is an exceptionally challenging “fight” especially when it may not be the only struggle you are facing.

Determination, strength, and boldness are an absolute necessity at times like this. Think of some of the extraordinary battles soldiers have faced that seemed truly insurmountable. How did the patriots in this country triumph over the strength of the British military, so much stronger, organized, and equipped? One thing the Americans would not do is surrender. John Paul Jones was only one of many colonists who refused to resign themselves to what could have been perceived as inevitable defeat.

Look back on life battles that seemed insurmountable; somehow you made it through. I remember when my then 3 year old son broke his femur bone. He spent 8 weeks in a body cast. The femur is the largest bone in the body, and the pain of a spiral fracture is severe. Family and friends were continually amazed by his regular smile and laughter…that is once the cast was on. His experience was a battle for me as well, and my attitude wasn’t nearly as positive. Like most parents who see their children in pain, I would have traded places with him if it were possible. If ten people were interviewed, most likely every one of them would share a history of life battles. The struggles may be different, but the need to stand strong is universal.

Choose to be bold. Channel your inner John Paul Jones. Remember your victories over other life challenges. Rest when you need it. Don’t expect you will always feel strong. It is okay to feel your feelings. It is not healthy to deny them. Nevertheless, give those sad emotions a time limit. Refuse to allow them to control you. Never surrender.

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